Revolutionizing a Paradigm
My kids have a sign in their bathroom that reads “Stop trying to be like everyone else when you were born to be yourself”. It’s one of those cheap, predictable, mass produced signs that I bought at some department store. It’s cheesy and its the kind of saying that makes most kids roll their eyes. Despite the cliché nature of it though, we mean it don’t we?
Recently, the question “What does showing up look like” came up. It came up over a week ago, and I’ve been chewing on it and chewing on it, unable to deconstruct it. Right now, maybe more than ever, this question…this question I love.
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When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I became plagued. Due to circumstances which are meant for another conversation, I developed psoriasis, an autoimmune condition that is carried around on one’s skin. A giant mark of screaming inflammation for everyone to see.
It was everywhere. On my face, my arms, my legs, my torso, in my ears and on my back. I was prescribed countless corticosteroids and anti-inflammatory drugs, none of which did much, not to mention that I’d blow through the expensive toothpaste sized tubes in less than a week. I was told that because the result of psoriasis is a very rapid turnover of skin cells , my last resort was to be prescribed Methotrexate, a chemotherapy drug. Chemotherapy drugs slow down the turnover of cells, in the hopes that with cancer, tumor growth can be slowed, the idea is that this might work on my skin. Every time I took it, it felt wrong, but I was desperate. It didn’t work and my skin got worse.
I was obsessed with my condition. It took up so much of my mind space that I became consumed with ugly thoughts and heart breaking self talk. I had no real concept of the fact that I was closely listening to everything I told myself.
I grew up in a healthcare model where my truth was that disease and sickness happen “to” us.
That we get sick because of our genetic bad luck and because of the random “errors” our bodies make. I went to countless doctors who, sometimes were empathetic and sometimes were indifferent but all whom either implied or verbalized that yes, it really does sucks to be the powerless sitting duck in the face of disease.
Our “paradigms” and “truths” are imported. They’re imbibed. They reflect our daily habits, our mindsets and sometimes our excuses.
No matter what I did about my skin, the drugs and lotions and potions were futile. The more stuff I tried, the more disconnected from myself I became.
Then one day, literally overnight, I realized that my health was up me and me exclusively. I very directly and intentionally changed my set of beliefs and chose to become a VIP player in my health game. The only way I could do this was to take responsibility. Not in a “it’s my fault” way but in a “if it is to be, it is up to me” way.
Changing one’s health paradigm isn’t difficult, it happens overnight, but it but to change a paradigm, we have to let go of the identity we assume in connection with it. Here’s what I mean.