Something’s Wrong

The only thing we can all expect of ourselves and each other to do is what we believe to be the right thing. It’s been so crucial for me that my kids should, above all, always, without question trust their inner compass. That although they’ll sometimes swim in the muck and the grit that comes with making decisions which don’t follow the smooth current, they’ll always be protected from the unwritten but very real ramifications of not doing what’s right for them. Do what’s right and the rest will follow. It’s simple, it’s clear, it’s unwavering and yes, sometimes, it takes a hell of a lot of courage and but it never ever fails.

I was an undergrad student in Ottawa, Canada when I was introduced to the specificity of language around body autonomy. It was here that life in its’ serendipitous timeliness, gifted me with bold and brilliant friends who paved the way for dialogue which defined the existence of the delineating line between what separates one’s own body and that of everyone else’s. A piece of me was born in these conversations. I began having certainty and clarity around the ownership of my physical self AND of my thinking self. I began having some concept of who I was and for me, at that time, in that place, this was revolutionary.

I became fascinated with women’s studies and feminism, especially as it has related to the history of sexism around women’s health.

25 years later, I’m still bewildered and embarrassed by our history of burning women said to be witches alive under the guise of doing what was safe for everyone else. I’m still baffled that hysterectomies continue to be called hysterectomies being that we started removing uteruses as a treatment to protect women who were “hysterical” from themselves and to protect their men and families.

For very personal reasons, I’ve extensively studied what happened during the time period between world war II and Roe V. Wade where nearly 2 million pregnant women and girls were sent to homes (with no actual informed consent) for unwed mothers to protect them and their families from the shame of giving birth to the babies that they were told they weren’t fit to mother. They were told that this was best for everyone.

I was reading books like the Handmaid’s tale, Women who run with the wolves, I know why the caged bird sings, Promiscuities, The subjection of women and The Beauty myth. By the time I went to grad school, I was generally pissed off at the discrimination I was witnessing and the history I couldn’t get out of my head.

It’s serendipitous that the grad school I landed with was in Seneca Falls, NY…a small town of 6000 people which happened to be the birthplace of women’s rights. Here, the stories of women being inducted in the Women’s hall of fame, which was being created while I lived there, made way for more hope and less resentment. The being-ness of women like Sojourner Truth, Eleanor Roosevelt, Maya Angelou, and Elizabeth Blackwell permeated through me and helped me see that our history, when we can create progress from it and we listen with our hearts, enriches us and serves to inspire, empower and protect us.

And for years, this is how it went. Progress was being made. The Me Too movement came about and we were listening. The LGBTQIA community was being heard and we were listening. The Black lives matter movement was making a wave and we were listening. It was finally happening. Body autonomy, discrimination, freedom of choice…Conversations were happening and holy shit, it was about time.

Then, 18 months ago, the flip of the conversation switched. I sit here and I look around and I listen to the language being used, and I’m bewildered. Now? Now, body autonomy apparently is no longer “cool”. In fact, it is now endorsed as ignorant, misinformed, republican, and irresponsible. Forgive me, but in light of where we come from and of what we’ve witnessed, this is very confusing to me. I’m like a dear in headlights because I thought the past mattered.

I thought we actually meant it.

Body sovereignty, by it very definition holds that each person has the right to full control of their body. Our bodies are precisely the one and ONLY thing that we truly own. Forcing change on another person’s body through coercion, shame and force IS a violation. Threatening the removal of employment, disallowing loved ones to see each other and denying students the right to an education unless body alterations are made IS a violation, regardless of how the story is spun.

Are there exceptions to body autonomy? How wide IS the line that separates you and I?

Mandated vaccination in the mirror of a vaccine that doesn’t even prevent transmission (we now know this for a fact) is a moot point. The real question is whether it’s acceptable at any time, under any circumstance to allow the government, our employers and our schools to dictate what goes in or on our bodies. Even if this vaccine were the holy grail, body autonomy maintains its unwavering presence.

Having our employers and educational institutions “approve” our deeply held beliefs for the sake of an exemption is preposterous. Exemptions in and of themselves contradict the very fabric of autonomy.

Justin Trudeau publicly declaring that he’s “Angry” and that other Canadians are “angry” with the unvaccinated is dangerous language. Emmanuel Macron saying that he wants to “piss off” the unvaccinated is dangerous language. Jay Inslee (governor of WA state) referring to the unvaccinated as domestic terrorists is dangerous language.

At what point do we acknowledge that this type of shaming and discrimination, if it were directed toward any other group of people would be completely unacceptable?

I can only know what’s best for myself and my family and I can never presume to know what’s best for anyone else. We can only trust that everyone makes the best decision based on their personal history, state of health and individual risk assessment. There can be no exception to this. If we make exceptions to this, we’ll lose each other and ourselves in the process. We have to protect our diversity and our individuality. There are no special exceptions to freedom of choice. “No means no” doesn’t come with threats or consequences.

In the quiet of our hearts, we innately know that the best thing we can do is love and respect each other. The moment we lose love and respect for someone else based on the choice they’re making for themselves, we inevitably lose love for ourselves. Something is very wrong here. We all know it and we’re the only ones who can change it.